How to help a parent get their affairs in order
Most of us start worrying about a parent's paperwork long before we say anything. It feels intrusive, or morbid, or like it might upset them. But families who've been through a sudden illness or death almost always say the same thing: we wish we'd talked about it sooner.
Here's a gentle way to go about it.
Start with you, not them
One of the easiest ways in is to talk about your own plans first. "I've been getting my own paperwork sorted and it made me think. Do you know where yours is?" lands far better than "We need to talk about what happens when you die."
Pick a relaxed moment, keep it short, and stop if it becomes too much. You can always come back to it. One topic per visit is plenty.
The four things worth sorting first
A will. Is there one, is it up to date, and where's the original? Without a valid will the law decides who inherits, and unmarried partners don't automatically inherit anywhere in the UK. A solicitor can explain what that would mean for your parent.
Power of attorney. This lets someone your parent trusts act for them if they can't. In Scotland there are continuing powers (money and property) and welfare powers, registered with the Office of the Public Guardian (Scotland). In England and Wales it's a Lasting Power of Attorney. Without one, families may have to go to court for the right to act, which takes time and money.
Where everything is. Bank accounts, pensions, insurance policies, the house deeds, the funeral plan. You don't need the details, just where to find them. If there are old workplace pensions, the Pension Tracing Service can help track them down.
What they'd want. Their wishes for care if they became seriously ill, their funeral, and who should have the things that matter to them.
Let them lead
It's their life and their money. Your job is to help them get organised, not to take over. A few things that help:
Offer to do the writing. Many people find it easier to talk while someone else takes notes.
Record where things are, not the secrets. Never write down full passwords, PINs or bank card numbers. Note where they're kept instead.
Agree who knows. Decide together who should know where everything is kept, and tell them.
Review it once a year. A birthday makes a good reminder.
Keep it all in one place
Scattered notes are almost as hard to find as scattered papers. In Good Order was designed to be worked through with a parent, one section at a time. It includes conversation prompts for the harder topics, a page for health and care wishes, and a wallet card for emergencies.
This article is general information, not legal advice. Rules differ between Scotland, England and Wales, and Northern Ireland.
ndgo edge™ provides financial coaching and education. It does not provide regulated financial advice.
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