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To be or not to be....that is the question.

Updated: Jan 21, 2022

In true cliched fashion, I had a mid life crisis as I was turning 40.


Working in a demanding, high pressure sales role for an International Investment company I was travelling 3 weeks out of 4, spending more nights away from my family than I was spending with them, drinking too much, eating too much, not exercising enough, you get the drift.


I was heading towards middle aged mediocrity and felt overworked, overlooked and was generally underwhelmed.


A job opportunity presented itself that allowed the option to relocate my family to Switzerland, the package was good, the potential for growth was excellent and despite some reservations I had around members of the management team, I believed that it was too good to pass up and I jumped right in.


Turned out to be the worst business decision of my life and almost left me broken.


I had a 12 month period of trying to juggle a property in the UK and a rented property in Switzerland with no income as I had resigned from the job only four months into the role. I was drinking to numb the pain of poor decisions, had cleaned out my savings account and had even sold assets in the UK to plug the financial gap.


It put a huge strain on my family and whilst the intention was good, the outcome was undoubtedly bad and its shadow can still be seen even today.


The backdraft of the decision and subsequent cost to my family, both financial and emotional, created a vortex for several years where I lost any real focus and motivation and really struggled to refine what I wanted to do with my life.


I didn't really want to go back to being an employee again as you rarely really have autonomy or freedom, but I also didn't have any clear idea as to an alternative route as I was too caught up in my head.


There were a few things that I knew that I wanted:

  1. I wanted to help people

  2. I wanted the flexibility to choose when, where and who I worked with

  3. I wanted to provide an opportunity for adventure for my family (to live abroad?)

  4. I didn't want to work Monday - Friday 9-5 with 4 weeks holiday allowance per year

  5. I wanted to reduce my expenditure to only necessities.

So this set me on a journey of discovery.


Is it really possible to design and create a life based on some core objectives and how long with it take?


I knew that I needed to change, I just wasn't quite sure how to go about it.


I started researching habit formation and habit change techniques, I looked at various frameworks individuals used to ensure their success and started to implement these into my daily structures.


I created a programme based around personal impact and positive change that I call the "Talisman" programme.


Here's a brief outline of this below:


STEP ONE - TAKE STOCK


They say the first step is always the hardest! Taking stock is undoubtedly going to challenge you because you have to look honestly at where you are now and what brought you here. Asking yourself some searching questions to uncover your motivators and behaviours.


Taking stock will allow you to draw a line in the sand to where you are now and really get to know what drivers have brought you to this point.


Coaching tools used at this stage:

  • Coaching Wheels/ Wheel of Life

  • Personality assessment - MBTI/16 Personalities

  • Principles You - Ray Dalio test


STEP TWO - AMBITION


Once we've analysed what has got you to here, we then need to work out where it is you want to get next. This is a really important stage as it allows you to visualise your ideal reality and give you some clarity on what type of life you would like to create for your self.


We will look at sketching out a roadmap for 3, 5 and 10 years out so that you get some clarity on where you're headed.


Coaching tools used at this stage:


  • Vision boards

  • Catalytic toolkit

  • Best possible self statement

  • Avatar creation/ Alter ego exercise


STEP THREE - LIFESTYLE


Now we get to the scaffolding of your success. What are your current lifestyle choices and are they setting you up for success. I researched and implemented various tools that allowed me to cut out alcohol and improve my diet and exercise regimes, all of which then contributed towards improved mental health and motivation.


At this stage we will review your core habits and behaviours and agree on simple steps you can take to make positive changes that will boost your sense of self and ability to improve and deliver.


Coaching tools used at this stage:

  • A, B, C habit formation technique

  • James Clear - Atomic Habit change


STEP FOUR - IKIGAI


The Japanese concept of Ikigai (EE-KEE-GUY) is one that allows an individual to focus on how to live a fulfilling life that's fully aligns their passion, purpose, mission, profession and vocation.


It really is your "reason for being"


This step looks at identifying those aspects of your personality that get you really motivated, the skills you've acquired that you can get paid for, what you are good at doing on a day to day basis and some idea around what you would like to bring to the world.


STEP FIVE - SELECT & SPECIFY


This stage may in fact be the easiest of all the stages as we use this time to relect Select and specify which behaviours, habits, skills and beliefs you will need to get you where you want to go.


This is about focusing on exactly what you need to do to get to where you want to be.


Its crunch time - here is where we start to really drill down onto your commitments for self improvement.


STEP SIX - MEDITATION


I don't want to put anyone off at this stage as I know that a lot of people have preconceptions about meditation and mindfulness but many of the worlds top achievers swear by a daily mediation practice to allow them the mental space to be present each day.


I found meditation and buddhism back when I was 30 but only really played with the concepts. It's taken me some time to really understand the power of a daily mediative practice and would encourage everybody to try to cultivate some mental space each day to gain clarity and centre themselves against the torrent of mental and emotional overthinking.


STEP SEVEN - ALIGNMENT


You are almost there! We are nearing the end of the transformation programme and the last 2 stages are really just a chance to make sure that everything you have uncovered and developed up to this point is truly aligned to your goals and objectives and will be the real source of energy and power for your to create your new reality.


When we check the alignment, we are looking to make sure that the choices and options you have considered resonate with your higher self and will indeed lead you to fulfilment. This is the "warts and all" analysis part.....we analyse pros and cons and do a 3rd person perspective on your future self.


STEP EIGHT - NEXT STEPS


Now its over to you....... this is where you agree on a plan of action to really get motoring towards your new reality. These steps will need to be SMART - Specific, measurable, Accurate, Realistic and Time-bound. As a professional impact coaches, the team at NDGO EDGE can assist you with all stages of the TALISMAN programme and beyond.


Its our IKIGAI to be at your service.


Get in touch if you would like to learn more about how to undertake this life changing programme.








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